Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
