We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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