Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish you could order shots online.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
