Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
