I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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