Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i believe in u and ur pee
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize