Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
