I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
