i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will pee on everything he values.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize