oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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