highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
