I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
