youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
