I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
