laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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