how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
