your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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