I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
