Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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