At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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