Plan B is the new Plan A
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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