1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
