we have officially lost it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
