I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
