It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
