Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
