Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
