I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think my vagina is haunted
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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