so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
