My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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