My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
