so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
