I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize