Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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