Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
