I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
