Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
