my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
