He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
