Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
this beer tastes like vomit already
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
