so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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