I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
