Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

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(303): View more from Colorado

You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

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(925): View more from California

While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

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(217): View more from Illinois

he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids

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(309): View more from Illinois

Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..

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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays

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(703): View more from Virginia

There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.

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(407): View more from Florida

You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are

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