I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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