Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
