Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
