I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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