woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
