i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
