Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She bit a glass in half.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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