Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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