is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
