i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
