im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
