He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
