is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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