This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
