he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
