you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
