And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
