My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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