Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
