We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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