He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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