I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize