$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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