i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
