I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
