That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
