If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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