I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Everyone says I win the strip club
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
