allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
