New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
