She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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