between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
