The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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