My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
