Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
