Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
