I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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