u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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