Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
