Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
