on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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