I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
