i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
