i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize