i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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