I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
