so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
